Someone forwarded to me an article from an online Vietnamese newspaper (here) that talks about plans to fix up and an area in Bắc Ninh Province where there are shrines (đền) and a village dedicated to the “ancestral founders of the nation” (thủy tổ dân tộc) Kinh Dương Vương, Lạc Long Quân, Âu Cơ.

These are all mythical figures, so some people are wondering how it is worth it to spend lots of money on such a project when there are people who are in need and whose lives could he improved with that money.

I totally disagree. I think that more money needs to be spent. The problem here is that it is being spent on the wrong project. Who cares about shrines? What people want is an amusement park. So I think everyone’s interests can be served if someone in Vietnam would build a “Con Rồng Cháu Tiên amusement park.”

“Con Rồng Cháu Tiên” literally means “children of the dragon and grandchildren of the immortal (or fairy)” and it is a term to refer to the idea that all Vietnamese are descended from the mythical couple, Lạc Long Quân and Âu Cơ.

What better material could one possibly hope for in building an amusement park? Disney would love something like this. But the Vietnamese should keep Disney away! They should avoid economic dependence on foreign companies by doing it themselves.

I can see it now – it can have an aquatic theme. There will be a “Kinh Dương Vương River Ride,” and a “Lạc Long Quân Waterslide,” as well as an “Âu Cơ Fairy Rollercoaster.” Then there will be “Động Đình Quân’s Underwater Palace” to explore and the “Cổ Loa Maze” for really small kids to run around in.

There will also be areas for “hands on” activities. Here families will be able to let their energetic kids play in the “Đông Sơn Drum Hall.” This will be a big room filled with imitation bronze drums of all different sizes, and kids will be able to bang away on them.

Then for other kids there will be an “Âu Cơ Fairy Costume Palace,” where little girls (and I guess boys too. . . why not?) will be able to dress up in different “Âu Cơ fairy costumes” and have their pictures taken.

In between these two spaces will then be an air-conditioned café. It will have walls of sound-proof glass so parents will be able to watch (without hearing) their kids bang on the bronze drums and squeal as they try on their fairy costumes. Meanwhile the parents will be able to relax, drink coffee (and it must be Vietnamese – NO STARBUCKS!!!), and eat “100-Egg Cake.”

This cake will not actually be made from 100 eggs. Instead, it will just be a very big cake that is divided into 100 pieces, 50 of which will be one color (signifying the 50 sons who followed Âu Cơ), and 50 of which will be another color (signifying the 50 sons who followed Lạc Long Quân).

Then for teenagers there will be cool places where they can hang out and download a “Mỵ Châu loves Trọng Thủy” ap for their iPhones, so that they can innocently flirt with each other via their iPhones and iPads.

Finally, of course there will be a gift shop. Here visitors will be able to buy “An Dương Vương ice cream,” “toy Cao Lỗ crossbows,” and “Hùng Vương iPhone covers.”

Think about it – this will create jobs, attract both domestic and foreign tourists, and without people even realizing it (because they will be having so much fun!!), the experience at the Con Rồng Cháu Tiên Amusement Park will instill in citizens a sense of connection to the “ancestral founders of the nation.”

This is totally a “win – win” concept. It’s gonna be great!!!